The Healing You Seek is IN You
I want to share some truths I’ve learned about healing.
I feel it is more pertinent than ever that I am honest about what healing actually is, what it actually looks like. Especially because we live in a world of quicker and quicker fixes, of being bombarded left and right that you just need to change this one thing or try this one program or cut this one food out of your life and that everything will miraculously transform in your life. Whisper a problem into the air and ads will pop up out of nowhere with a solution.
It’s all a bunch of BS. Complete and utter BS.
In same breath, I will offer an apology for my bluntness. Because if there isn’t a magic elixir or pill or practice that is going to change your entire existence then that means maybe what we fear the most is actually true — that there is no destination, that there is no best version, there is no great solution, and that I am not going to find the “thing” that is going to make me better.
But maybe this anecdote can also serve as consolation. Because it means that instead of scouring the internet for the answer to this specific imperfection of yours, you can set it all down. Truthfully, what I have found in my 5 years practicing homeopathy (and 15 years on a healing journey myself) is that the answer to finding a better version of yourself does not exist outside of you.
I have found healing to be a sort of coming home to self. A shedding of layers, an exuviation of untruths. When I have released each one, I uncover a self that is at ease, lives life freely, who knows who she is and what she needs.
When we say things like “I just want to lose a few pounds” what we might mean is “I don’t feel good in my body.” When someone tells me, “I want to live more creatively but I don’t have time for it,” they might actually mean “I never learned to prioritize my creativity because I was taught that it wasn’t important.” Or when I hear “I want to slow down and enjoy life but everyone needs me too much,” I wonder if that means, “I don’t know how to live a life that is for me.”
What is underneath that thing that you want to fix? Who is it for? How will it make your life better? Is there a belief that lies there deep in the belly of it all? Is that belief true? These are questions that can only be answered by you. In quiet reflection, through the drumming of your heart. Our desires for a better life are like fingerprints shaped by our deepest wounds and our wildest dreams.
I am going to tell you a little story that I feel drives this home.
I recently experienced a setback in my healing — I did something that directly violated a value I have cultivated, one that has become very important to my wellbeing. It was like a ten steps forward, two giant steps back sort of thing. It was impulsive, I knew better, I was triggered, I did it anyway. What occurred as a result was that I came in direct contact with my humanness. My more healed self, nose to freckled nose with a younger version of me. I felt deep guilt, and immense rage toward myself, I felt depressed (something I have found I experience when I go against what I want or need), and all I wanted to do after this was completely dissociate from everything I was feeling. The emotions were too painful to bear and I was extremely overwhelmed. But when I was ready after nearly a whole day of dissociating, I sat with myself. I let myself feel all of it. Some of these emotions even took me back to my earliest experiences with them. I let my body do all the talking she needed. I allowed the tears that stung my eyes to drip off my chin and down my neck. I allowed myself very little intellectualizing or analyzing, and a lot of allowing myself to just be in the experience of guilt and shame and then anger and then grief.
This is not something I could have walked myself through with a program, a pill, or some quick fix medicine. It is something that I have cultivated the skills to move myself through by way of familiarity with my own wounds, my own understanding of my emotions and a consciousness of my patterns and where they are rooted. It is the practice of allowing for whatever truth needs to come forward to come forward. It is an act of being with, of saying yes to whatever needs to speak.
We live in a world where we expect everything to come to us at the click of a cursor, the tap of a finger, or a quick query into ChatGPT. This is not the way of nature. It is not the human way. Ours is the way of rhythm, of flow, of closing our eyes and dropping deep into the natural language of our being — sensation, symptom, and feeling.
What is present? What wants to be expressed? What needs to be held in quiet and heartfelt compassion? This is where healing lies, in holding what is here and now.
My most honest hope is that this comes as a comfort. To know that in order to start healing, you actually just need you. Your own presence. Your own willingness to be with your stuff and to say yes to whatever arises.
You are worthy of healing. Yes, it is difficult, sometimes really messy and uncomfortable, but it is also possible. And, it is necessary if we want to grow and evolve.
If you are looking for someone to collaborate with you in your healing, I would be so happy to support you. Homeopathy is a gentle, powerful healing modality that works to reorient our life force in the way of deep healing. If you are curious about the homeopathic process or feel ready to begin, you can book a free discovery call with me and I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have and get you started!